Immigration rule change shock threatens to deport MPs on basis of having too few skills

LCD Views has heard from a source inside the Home Office that proposed changes to the immigration rules on skilled worker entry after Brexit is causing alarm as it will see all pro-Brexit MPs deported as none of them possess sufficient skills allowing them to stay.

“It’s a nightmare,” our source revealed, “when they were drafting the new rules they forgot to include ‘inheriting lots of money and privilege’ as a skill.”

The inclusion of this would not have secured the right to remain in the U.K. for all pro-Brexit MPs after March 2019, but it would have secured the majority.

“Really no one saw any of this coming. Apparently tying your shoelaces alone isn’t counted by any sectors of industry as a high skill. So that’s more Brexit backing MPs at risk.

Almost being able to blink both eyes together isn’t what anyone is looking for. Running a political coup to serve offshore interests is not even deemed valuable.

Gove successfully had ‘stabbing people in the back in politics’, but it was deemed to actually be a negative skill by the computer. Davis managed to have ‘hiding important pieces of paper under chairs’, but again, no one actually wants that in the broader economy. Theresa May personally jammed, ‘turning in circles all the time’, but apparently we already have tools called drills that do it. Automation has taken over her key skill.

We’re at a real loss.”

Further complications are bound to arise with the new rules regarding the heritage required to maintain citizenship.

“Anyone foreign or with foreign background. It’s creating more problems! Apparently, as Brexitiannia will only be for ‘proper British people patriot missiles’ anyone with a sniff of foreign blood is going to be deported.

But when we did a sample test we found the majority of the population is on a boat at Dover on the 30th March 2019.”

Still, it’s not all lost, one potential upside will be an alleviation of the problem of food rotting in fields, as there won’t be anyone in the country left to feed.

“We’re going to have to take skills out of the entry requirements or we’ll lose a big piece of Westminster overnight. How would the country manage to govern itself without pro-Brexit MPs?”

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