Ireland announce plan to build a bridge right over Britain to continental Europe

THE LONG SHADOW OF BREXIT : Ireland’s newest Taoiseach, Micheál Martin, has announced today the decision by the Republic to build a bridge right over Britain and on to continental Europe.

Addressing the European parliament for the first time since assuming office an entirely imagined version of Mr Martin revealed the grand building project. And it’s fair to speculate that Mr Johnson’s love of proposing grand building schemes is partly behind it. Even if Mr Johnson’s projects never eventuate.

“Aren’t you tired of Brexit and all that Boris bollocks?” Mr Martin asked a socially distanced hall. Happily, as there’s no longer any Farage cultists present, the question was met with only raucous applause.

“Don’t you want to throw a little shade on that Eton Mess in parliament?”

Yes. Yes. We all do.

“We’ve already begun building ferry lines to bypass Britain,” Mr Martin explained, “because we don’t want our lorries caught at the Kent border attempting to get to Dover. Only a gambler will risk the world beating IT project that’s going to manage those customs documents. Why not go one better and build a bridge over all of it?”

Fair play.

The bridge is expected to be built rapidly too, as so many EU tradesmen are leaving the UK due to Brexit. And many more will do once the Covid-19 omnishambles recession joins with Brexit proper.

“And the best thing is, Boris Johnson and the UK are going to pay for it.”

With our automotive, pharmaceutical, aerospace, education and financial services sectors.

“Let’s build a bridge over Boris!” Mr Martin exulted, to standing applause, “and let Brexit pay for it.”

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