The Irish Border paradox sees popcorn sales skyrocket as remainers settle in to watch Brexit unravel

Popcorn corns have been a popping overtime in the popcorn production facilities.

Finally the time has come to find out the details of what is meant by a seamless border, the boundary of no boundaries.

Politicians have taken to trawling epic tomes of Quantum Mechanics literature to ascertain the true nature of Schrödinger’s border; a simultaneously entangled superposition of no a border and no border.

Zen masters, who hold the secrets of one hand clapping and unseen trees falling have been asked to solve the ultimate koan riddle, how many checkpoints makes a seamless border?

The answer to the great unanswered of how to peel away Northern Ireland from the South, leaving one in Europe the other in the U.K., without a border.

The great logician Boris Johnson managed to hint at a solution, with just cameras, something akin to the London congestion charge scheme.

But hopes were dashed when the word “border” dropped out of those hapless lips towards the end of his meditation.

With the religious extremist DUP propping up May’s government vehemently opposed to Northern Ireland having any status other than that of the brexited U.K. and Sinn Fein remembering the troubles again at the thought of a split Ireland the situation appears entirely intractable.

So here we are, at the stage in Brexit negotiations, where it’s time for politicians to stop with the empty PR speak and nail the solution down in precision legalese.

Embittered and disenfranchised ‘remoaners’ across the country have stocked up on the poppy stuff in anticipation of the rush of schadenfreude from watching the whole edifice collapse like the 1937 Hindenburg zeppelin disaster, engulfing is all in one great conflagration.

It won’t be pretty, but hey when you’re handcuffed to a bus careering off a cliff, you may as well enjoy the ride.

*grabs first handful of popcorn* 🍿

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