It’s okay for Japan to tell us what to do as you don’t spell Japan “EU”

PUTTING THE PIGEON AMONGST THE CATS : THE UK GOVERNMENT’S TRADE negotiator SUPREMO LIZ TRUSS is expected to bring clarity to confusion regarding the world beating trade deal she recently agreed with the needy nation of Japan.

The deal itself is currently only agreed in principle, and may potentially be less favourable than the deal agreed between the EU and Japan, but it is ours. We made it. Much like a Boris Johnson bus project using empty wine crates. Almost as good as a real bus. And ours.

“They [Japanese] need our cheese,” Liz Truss is expected to remind the UK’s voters, “they’re incapable of making cheese like we do. This is probably because 70% of the population is lactose intolerant. Also, they can’t eat French cheese because everyone knows French cheese makes you surrender. British cheese makes you choose a hill and die on it.”

So far so good. But she will also set minds at rest regarding the startling detail that the UK-Japan deal gives Japanese lawmakers a surprising bagful of British sovereignty. This concerns restraint on state aid.

“Do you want auto manufacturing in the UK to collapse before or after the end of the Brexit transition period? It’s bloody obvious it needs to collapse in 2021 or there maybe a political blowback on Boris. This trade deal gets us over the line (so far as appearances go) and into complete and total anarchy in 2021. I commend it to the house.”

But just in case you are still puzzled why it’s okay to sacrifice more sovereignty to Japan than to the EU in the famous Oven Ready Brexit Deal, Liz Truss will set your mind at rest.

“It’s very basic,” she will say, “you don’t need e and u to spell Japan, now, do you?”

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