Jan 2021 : UK to join Schengen and Euro after Grayling replaces Frost in negotiations with EU

SAVING THE UNION : DETRACTORS HAVE BEEN CLAIMING FOR YEARS that the job of lead Brexit negotiator for the UK with the EU is a purely ceremonial position.

“It’s not a surprising accusation,” a Downing Street source told LCD Views, “when you consider the rogues gallery of baffling incompetence to hold the position.”

David Davis, one of the intellectual giants of global trade, was the first to fill his boots as UK negotiator. Followed by someone and someone else. All entirely forgettable in terms of their achievements.

“Frost has been softening Barnier up for Grayling,” the source continues, “it’s been a very clever strategy. Now that old Barnier is so confused by the UK position he doesn’t know what’s coming at him we’re sending in the UK government power animal.”

It’s expected that Grayling will hold talks with Barnier this week and achieve all Boris Johnson’s aims.

“There’s not a day goes by where Boris Johnson, the talisman of Brexit, doesn’t wish he had sent in the other column to the Telegraph. Both David Cameron and Theresa May showed themselves smarter than Johnson. They both avoided being the last prime minister of the United Kingdom, and the first Prime Minister of just England. Johnson has to bring a big gun to bear if he wants to avoid a No Deal Brexit and the unenviable title of the man who broke the UK.”

But of course Mr Johnson will need someone to carry the can, and that’s where Grayling steps up to the plate.

“Grayling is proper packhorse. He has so many spectacular policy implementation failures to his credit. To add failing to negotiate an actual Brexit, and instead save Johnson’s goat by accidentally signing the UK up to Hard Remain will be the crowning glory on a stellar career.”

And the timing couldn’t be more perfect as the transition period rushes to a finish and the Euro is set to replace the US Dollar as the global reserve currency.

“The Bank of England has already moved billions into the Euro, so don’t worry about paying for Covid-19, we’ve got it covered.”

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