Jennifer Arcuri added to Union Flag to better reflect values of Boris Johnson’s United Kingdom

THE WORLD CAN SEE : Fantastic news for flagshaggers today with the confirmation from 10 Downing Street that the old Union Flag is getting an update to reflect modern Britain.

“Many claim that the Union Flag is all shagged out,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “Which given that it’s been in an orgy with the Tory Party, the fascists, the knuckledraggers and others who should know better for weeks is a reasonable presumption. But there’s life in the old cloth yet! It just needs a makeover.”

And a makeover is what the flag is getting as no less a star of modern British politics, and IT learning, than Jennifer Arcuri, has been added to the design.

“We feel the addition of the technological trainer really helps express the values expressed by the current United Kingdom government. And as you suckers elected us, they’re your values too!”

But a minority of voters elected the current government and its 80 seat majority.

“FPTP! Don’t you love it? You don’t need any definable policies with mass manipulation available via social media to the highest bidder. Just look what we’ve achieved!”

While many are happy to see one of Boris Johnson’s ex-mistresses now added to the Union Flag, some are worried about the international ramifications.

“Someone has to convince Australia and New Zealand and a few others they need to upgrade their flags too. But that’s tough. They’re saying we’ll just wait until Scotland leaves the Union thanks.”

Which under serial adulterer Boris Johnson looks certain, as the longer he is PM the deeper we’re screwed.

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