John Redwood demands to know why Boris Johnson hasn’t built a bridge to Ireland yet

EVERYMAN’S EVERYMAN : JOHN REDWOOD MP, one of the brighter lights in the modern Conservative party, has written a rather demanding tweet requesting answers from the Prime Minister.

Mr Redwood has long been at the forefront of extolling the clear and obvious benefits that would come from Brexit, and happy to tell everyone about it. Just wait and see. Now though, there are signs that he may not be getting what he expected. Which is a total shock, at least to him.

“He’s already asking what happened to fishing in order to Get Brexit Done?” our deadwood specialist notes. “I mean that’s a good start. If you help cut off access to your own fishing industry’s markets the least you can do is ask what happened?”

He’s got his eye on the bait ball!

“He’s noticed the outcomes aren’t what he promised people and he wants someone to tell him why. Solid governance. And he thought really long and hard about Brexit too. A full five minutes. Just yesterday he was wondering IN PUBLIC why the government hasn’t slashed taxes and regulations and turned the UK into a trading superpower already? Which is neat, it displays such a complete failure to grasp the Brexit project that it helps explain how we got here.”

Not many people can fail to notice that setting yourself in direct opposition to the largest trade bloc on Earth will have real world consequences?

“Redwood can. So too David Davis I expect. But he’s currently busy playing at being a virologist with the same confidence and swagger he brought into play when he quit as Brexit Secretary.”

Mr Redwood is now passed fish and onto infrastructure.

“He wants to know now why the bridge to Ireland hasn’t been built? The one Johnson keeps talking about building across a WW2 munitions dump in the Irish Sea? Or maybe via the Isle of Mann. Good way to throw millions to mates for a feasibility study. Doesn’t matter if there is no actual outcome. That isn’t the point of Conservative governance. Some are a little slow on the uptake. Like Redwood. He’s quite sweet in his own way. A babe in the woods. Imagine believing any promise made by Boris Johnson?”

You’d have to be dead inside?

“With a brain made of wood. Let’s see how things go from here on in, as none of the promises materialise. Sooner or later some Tory MPs may realise they’ve been played and just like the fantasy constructs they believed in to justify Brexit, every Johnson promise is just a bridge of the mind.”

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