LAST IN A CROWDED FIELD : Tory MP Johnny Mercer yesterday became the last in a very crowded field to realise Prime Minister Boris Johnson is completely full of shit.
The shock revelation occurred to Mr Mercer somewhat belatedly, given that as already stated, everyone else on Earth worked it out donkeys years ago.
The lightbulb moment caused Mr Mercer to attempt to resign on principle, not quite resign on principle, only to be sacked. Presumably for a display of doubt and disloyalty given that Boris Johnson has no principles at all. A fact confirmed by numerous investigations with an electron microscope.
What Mr Mercer will do now isn’t entirely clear although it’s likely he’ll need a good and long sit down.
“He’ll be needing to cast his mind back over recent years and ponder if there were any signs Boris Johnson is completely full of shit earlier?” our Westminster analyst asks. “Perhaps when the Prime Minister lied to the Queen? Not that anyone should resign over that minor little fib. Perhaps when he spent months touring the country in a bus painted with proven lies? Hardly anyone noticed, to be fair. Certainly not Johnny.”
Maybe the promise to avoid customs barriers for Northern Ireland by the PM could have enlightened Mr Mercer? But why would they as the PM only went and did it anyway.
“It’s really puzzling,” our analyst continues. “You have to wonder what Mr Mercer will do when he learns bears shit in woods and the Pope is Catholic. It will be mind blowing.”
For everyone else though the lingering question is perhaps more why now? He’s given a reason, and it’s a credible one, to do with veterans, but given the unceasing catalogue of complete and utter horse shit Johnson has showered the U.K. in for years now, why now?
Perhaps when Gove and Sunak come out of hiding they can enlighten all of us…