The department for working (maybe there’ll be pensions years away) announced today it was working on a three way project with the health secretary Jeremy Hunt, and Micky “wonder kid” Gove, to kill two birds with one stone.
“From the 1st December 2017 all recipients of JSA will have to work as nurses in order to get their generous government allowance, which will be paid quarterly, to better reflect the world of dividends the people dreaming up policies like this live in.”
Essentially, the spokesman went on to elaborate, it’s to prepare today’s lazy, benefit scrounging layabouts to be the millionaires of tomorrow.
“It will also solve the perplexing problem of a sudden crash in EU born workers for both nursing and the agricultural sector.”
LCD Views believes this is excellent planning and a great response to what appears to be a looming crisis in both the NHS and the soft fruit growing business.
“People from the EU really are showing themselves to be fair weather friends. No one has said they are going to have to wear a badge that labels them a second class citizen, it’s just the changing reality. British born people are worth more than any others, something it does to remind the arrogant people across the channel of from time to time.”
Campaigners working to protect the NHS have voiced concerns that many of the JSA recipients marched into wards may not be qualified for the work and put patients’ lives at risk, but the government has responded by criticising them for talking yet another nation building initiative down.
Farm advocacy groups are also alarmed, having not been consulted either.
“We just needed their votes to stage our ideological coup,” a government minister replied off the record.
“Liam and Boris are sorting out such a good FTA with the USA it’s likely there won’t be any need for farms once we fully realise the possibilities presented by Brexit. And you can rest assured any of the ‘special nurses’ will be excellent at taking blood, I’m going to train them myself.”