THE PARTY OF LAW AND DISCORD : A new law will enter the United Kingdom’s statute books in the coming days in an attempt to crackdown on voters laughing at Ministers.
“It’s vital when establishing an autocracy that no one laughs at the preening prats placed in positions of power, merely because they are prepared to follow any orders for personal reward,” a Downing Street source told LCD Views.
The law has been nicknamed “STFU YOU PLEBS” by ministers, although Jackboot was also a popular suggestion.
The speedy action comes as a result of two television presenters laughing at Honest Bobbie Jenrick during a television interview. Mr Jenrick was in his fetish palace at the time. Mistakenly the presenters found it ticklish.
“In order for our project of flagshagging crony-capitalism to fully realise itself we need to have our thin skins very well protected,” the source explained. “If other people of status, like BBC presenters, laugh at our idiocy and self-importance the entire facade that conceals our wrongdoings and inadequacy could come tumbling down. So Jackboot it is.”
And the penalty for laughing at a Minister’s flag is certainly stiff enough to dissuade even the most unpatriotic soul.
“If convicted of laughing at a minister’s flag, or any MPs actually, you face a maximum sentence of working under Priti Patel. And few can survive that.”
It’s not all bad though, if arrested, sentenced and convicted you stand the chance of being dismissed with a six figure hush money payout.
“That’s a bit of a lottery though. I wouldn’t risk it. Unless you’ve a thing for being wedgied of course. Then go for it!”