LCD Views is pleased to announce that our newly created pseudo science section has completed its first ever computer simulation and the result is monumental.
“We decided to focus on the next prime minister,” our Head Boffin says, “then we changed our minds and picked Boris Johnson.”
The simulation, which was run on a classic Amstrad computer picked up at a car boot sale, showed some surprising results.
”A baby boom in Westminster,” Head Boffin says, “like, wall to wall blonde babies. Which we expected. But we didn’t see the construction sector experiencing boom and bust as fast as the computer did.”
So lots of jobs were created?
”Yes. Mostly in the field of administration of bankruptcies, financial as well as moral. Oh, and great expansion in funding for the fire service to cope with pants fires on a prime ministerial scale.”
So what was built? Apart from crèches? And infernos?
”There was a half constructed Johnson Tower. The Thames was renamed Johnson Streams and half spanned by a half completed Johnson Bridge. It caught fire during construction and burnt down to the waterline. The footings are now a serious shipping hazard. There was also a war with numerous Latin American countries after some accidental comments by the prime minister, while he toured Trump’s half built fence wall.”
Was any project completed?
”No. Not even Brexit, as it’s not in his interests as prime minister. Although he did manage to construction a two hundred foot tall Johnson Statue, but it came to life and is currently touring the Peak District causing mayhem.”
So, the result of a Johnson premiership is just a smoking ruin? Even without Brexit?
”Yes, but the ruin at least, is complete. You could say he finished what he started. But the end result was the computer saying no.”