TO INANITY AND BEYOND : Hungry Martians need no longer wait for quality British pork and cheese products after Galactic Trade Superhero Liz Truss announced she is going to let them trade with Galactic Britain.
It seems like only yesterday when Liz announced that she was going to allow the Earth based Pacific Trade Partnership accept her application to let them allow us into their club. With the cosmic winds now puffing her sails she’s reaching for the stars.
“Mars is an untapped market for British jams,” an aide to Truss told LCD Views. “It’s not just pork Liz wants to sally forth with, not just cheese in her smile, there’s also our high tech flag industry. Have you ever seen a Martian flag? That’s an untapped market right there that will be worth gazillions.”
And once the U.K. has successfully allowed the Martian Trade Partnership to invite the U.K. to join it’s guaranteed the engorged bloc will grow at rates the failing EU can only look to the heavens and pray for.
“It will take decades, potentially even centuries for the slow moving megalith of Europe to even open negotiations with Mars,” the aide notes. “By the time they begin planning to send an envoy Liz will already have successfully released a press release about a stellar agreement, to be confirmed and renegotiated in short order, with the frozen microbes that exist beneath the sands of the Red Planet.”
But it’s not all smooth sailing. No less a powerhouse than Foreign to Geography Secretary Dominic Raab is thought to be concerned about the overtures by his colleague.
“That’s because he thinks the Red Planet is communist because of the ‘Red’, but we’ll just colour it pink on his map and he’ll believe in short order that it’s a far flung part of the British Empire. Give him a few days and he’ll be suggesting a military partnership giving the U.K. full control of the Milky Way.”