HOOK, LINE AND SINKER: International Trade supremo Liz Truss has secured an outstanding victory. Never mind the Aussie Rules Brexit, Truss has secured a Norway-style fishing deal.
Truss can now add Fish to her CV. It joins Pork and Cheese to create a mouthwatering Surf ‘n’ Turf in a basket case. Eat your heart out, Tim Wetherspoons.
Taking Back Control is a key part of any post-Brexit deal. It’s an all or nothing scenario. Compromise is seen as weakness. Our Liz never compromises. The deal is 100% clear. If Norway won’t give us exactly what we want, we walk away. Which is what Liz did.
“This establishes the strength of Global Britain,” explained globalist Villa Jiddiott. “We only accept a deal on our terms. Anything less is unacceptable. No deal is a great deal for Britain!”
Unfortunately Jiddiott hasn’t realised that no deal means no fish.
“No fish, no problem!” was Jiddiott’s response. “We just buy them. No need to incur the expense of a massive hi-tech trawler and experienced fishermen. Let Norway take all the risks, and we will just roll in at the end and take what we want!”
At a price. Norway will charge what it likes because it knows that we want the fish, but don’t catch our own.
“Nonsense, nonsense,” said Jiddiott. “It’s basic economics. Norway will be desperate to offload all that cod they don’t want on to us.”
If they don’t want it, they won’t catch it. We have no control here.
Jiddiott pretended not to hear. “It doesn’t matter,” she said. “Let them eat langoustines! And if money gets tight, just call the PM and ask for a PPE contract.”
Liz Truss, meanwhile, is celebrating with a pork supper (the chip shop had run out of fish). Another victory for Brexit Britain!
And remember, a Norway-style deal means the square root of bugger all.