FROST IS ON THE WAY : The UK’s blazing comet of incompetence Lord Frost will be coming your way. Having failed to find any benefits to Brexit under the rock he crawled out from, in order to get a fancy title, he’s now widening his search.
“He’s going to walk 500 miles and then walk 500 more,” an aide to the lost Lord told LCD Views. “Well when I say walk, he’ll be chauffeur driven at public expense. But it amounts to the same thing in the end. He will get the job done.”
And the job needs doing, for in spite of getting Brexit done legally and ending the transition period in the middle of a pandemic, the land isn’t overflowing with Brexit benefits.
“Mostly it’s the churlish EU’s fault,” the aide clarified, “there’s a growing concern they’re intentionally hiding Brexit benefits from us. Which is a distinct possibility, given they seem to be the only ones enjoying any. They really should grow up and share.”
In the meantime, the Brexit front man will be ringing your doorbell.
“It’s possible you may have an unknown Brexit benefit behind your sofa. Even underneath it. It’s just as no one knows what they look like you haven’t been able to indentify it. Even when you drag it out with the hoover, before shoving it back under as too hard to deal with.”
Homeowners are asked to address Lord Frost by his full title when he darkens their doors too.
“He’s very particular about that. Agreeing to be the face of the national immolation in exchange for status was the reason he did it. Now you have to respect him. He’s a Lord. He’s got a piece of paper with it written on and everything. He’s no longer an inadequate. He’s a Lord. Did I mention he’s a Lord? He’s very pleased about it.”
Which is about the only way anyone has benefited from Brexit.
“Maybe if we made all the bankrupt fishermen lords they’d be okay with it? Just without the benefits.”