Manchester to turn the M60 into a wall and make London pay for it

PLAYING POLITICS: The row between Manchester mayor Andy Burnham and Crime Minister Boris Johnson has escalated. There is no common ground between London control freakery and Manchester independence. So the Northern Powerhouse has decided to go it alone.

“Mexit” brings challenges. The economy is modern and vibrant, even if The South still thinks it’s ‘something to do with cotton’. But there must be a border. So there will be a wall along the line of the M60 – the M25 of the North – and Burnham has insisted that London must pay.

This is a response to the covid outbreak, although as Government figures have been cooked more often than school cabbage, it’s difficult to be sure. Manchester has decided to take back control of its borders, laws, and viruses. So long as its main imports of black pudding and Manchester United fans are maintained, it should be notoriously rainy sunlit uplands all the way.

Manchester’s main exports – jangly guitar bands and Coronation Street – are quite sufficient to keep the new city state solvent. The new M60 wall should be no barrier. Indeed in these lockdown-happy times, it might be a positive advantage. There should be no need to reignite the ancient feud with Liverpool over trade, football, and impenetrable regional accents.

So if you pronounce “day” as “dare”, and “dare” as “durr”, and you can distinguish your barmcakes from your oven-bottoms, you’re in. Anyone making jokes about “Personchester”, or talking in a silly voice at the mention of Eccles, will be larrupped on the bonce, escorted to the border, and put on the first train back to London.

Soon there won’t be much of Brexit Britain left. Northern Ireland will go, Scotland will go, Wales is closing its border, Kent has been ceded to the EU. If Manchester goes, it is likely that Liverpool, Leeds, Birmingham and others will leave too. That will show the world that Global Britain means business!

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