Mark Francois to go on secret mission to Spain to beat Germans to sun loungers

BUNGLING BOUNCING BOMB : Mighty Global Britain’s mightiest little potatriot, and bafflingly a member of parliament, Mark Francois, has been selected by Downing Street to go on a secret mission to the Costa del Sol.

“It’s part of a many pronged strategy to show the EU we mean business,” a Downing Street source told LCD Views, “we’re not content to just gaslight the Spanish over Covid-19, as part of putting them off balance before we talk about Gibraltar, we need to get the Germans where it hurts tool. Throw them off balance. Strike terror into their hearts. We need to ensure Merkel caves at the last moment of negotiations and the German automotive sector drive to our rescue.”

To this end little Mark has been selected to go on a secret mission to Spain.

“He won’t have to quarantine when he gets back because we will have changed the rules again by then,” the source continues, “we have to keep everyone off balance. Our own citizens. The WHO. Helen Whately. And especially German tourists.”

What exactly little Mark will do to achieve all this isn’t clear.

“It is. We’ve planned it all. We’re geniuses. He’s going to use his famous ability for European accents to maintain complete surprise. At the same time he will stay up all night, while undercover, singing the national anthem quietly. He must be rigid in the morning and he must be ready to go.”

Go where?

“To the sun loungers of course. Each day he’s going to get to the pool at dawn and place a Union Jack beach towel on a different sun lounger. Just imagine the despair when the Germans see we’ve outplayed them at their own game. They’ll give us what we want in the trade negotiations just to make it stop.”

Junker in his bunker won’t know what hit him. Stay alert potatriots and get ready to seize the sun loungers. Your country is depending on it.

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