Mask on/Mask off – Michael Gove not required to wear mask as “only humans breathe out CV-19”

DROWNING STREET : 10 DOWNING STREET has sought to eliminate the confusion regarding where masks should be worn to prevent the preventable spread of Covid-19.

How the public became confused isn’t yet clear, with some unfairly saying it’s the government’s fault.

To clear things up they have allowed a representative from Michael Gove’s home planet to speak on their behalf.

“We here on Planet Void breathe through our skins,” Zeetabroid 9F told LCD Views, “so whether or not guidelines [to halt the CV-19 pandemic] have been changed, in reaction to the Minister for the Cabinet Office purchasing a sandwich without a mask, is not important.”

The spokesman from the Planet Void went on to comment on how ridiculous the furore looked from afar.

“What value do you place on human life? Especially the lives of people you don’t know? It must be pitiably more than we do, or we wouldn’t have sent you Gove. And may I take the opportunity to say what a wonderful job he has done. Along with his cousin, Classic Fumblefinger, known to you as Dominic Cummings, they’ve left a trail of destruction since they began education reforms a decade ago. They really did land on their feet finding that class idiot Johnson to use, all twenty seven of their feet.”

Although there was a note of sadness in the alien’s report.

“We’re pleased to say Gove will remain on Planet Earth until his work is completed. And his work will never be completed. Mwahahahahaha.”

The note of sadness is of course the deadened tone in the hearts of humans hoping that Gove will one day return home.

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