Matt Hancock listed on the London Stock Exchange in major boost to city

INVEST IN MATT : THE UK’S HEALTH MINISTER, Matt Hancock, maybe under increasing media speculation regarding all the PPE contracts he’s dished out like candy to friends and associates, but that isn’t slowing him down.

“Everyone is so distracted by Amsterdam overtaking London as the trading capital of Europe that they’ve not fully appreciated what a world beating investment the Health Secretary is proving to be,” our Financial Services analyst comments.

“People who put their faith and money in Matt years back are now reaping amazing returns. With interest rates historically low on traditional investments, buying shares in Matt is a proven profit maker. And there’s still a lot of his soul to buy shares in. I would go long on Matt today. The risk of him being shorted is minimal, so long as Boris Johnson needs a series of shields he can hide behind during the pandemic. And beyond. While the stated aims of the NHS shakeup look agreeable, it’s likely that’s a load of bull manure and a cover. Matt has a lot of work to do still, so long as he can continue to swallow it.”

And given Mr Hancock famously said he could never support proroguing parliament in the service of Brexit, that it would go against everything those men who died on the beaches [WW2] died for, and then turned about face as quick as you like and supported the prorogation of parliament in the service of Brexit, it’s like he’s a rich seam to mine into the future.

“It’s not only shares in Matt that are returning amazing returns. Whether you’ve donated 10’s of 1,000’s to him politically, or simply had a beer with him once, there’s exciting developments in the Matt pipeline.”

The next plan it seems is to relaunch Hancock as a digital currency. The first human to make the transformation.

“The only hiccup currently seems to be what the call the currency? MattCoin is the obvious favourite. But MattCon may prove to be more accurate over time.”

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