Matt Hancock’s sister to lead inquiry into Matt Hancock awarding contracts to Matt Hancock’s sister

IT’S A FAMILY BUSINESS : The great unwashed are famous for being jealous of the hard earned success of their betters.

We need look no further than the case of Matt Hancock who has valiantly been building on the sacrifices of those men who died on the beaches. Initially by supporting lying to the Queen so he could be Secretary of State for Health, and latterly by solving the social care crisis.

Well Matt Hancock has had enough, especially now that people have noticed he has a sister who he innocently awarded lucrative contracts too. The company of the receiving end just happened, by total coincidence, to have a large shareholding in the name of Matt Hancock. It’s probably not the same Matt Hancock.

“These accidents happen every day,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “It’s like accidentally shagging a Union Flag draped IT tutor who needs hundreds of thousands of pounds to further her completely legitimate business interests. Nothing to see here. Move along please. Don’t ask who helped set up the Conservative Friends of Russia. The public need to let us get on with the business of governing.”

That’s what Matt thinks too. So he’s going to order an inquiry into Matt Hancock awarding contracts to Matt Hancock’s sister who has a company that Matt Hancock just happens to hold shares in. A shredding company no less.

And who will chair the inquiry?

“Why Matt Hancock’s sister of course. She knows everything that’s happened. And she can work closely with Matt, as already proven. If you want to get the right result you need to start on the right foot. Get an expert involved. Get in a family member.”

Then everyone can accept it’s time to move on, again…

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