May advises parliament the United Kingdom itself is not necessarily binding

Theresa May has moved to reassure the country that of the many things that are currently not necessarily binding, the United Kingdom is on the list.

“It’s a timely intervention to stop the horses getting spooked,” Mr Running Hills, analyst for the only British Brexit think tank not currently funded by the Kremlin advises,

“many of the leading nationalists in the nations that comprise the U.K. are wondering if they should be bolting from the stable now, or wait until the stable is completely ablaze in a year or two. The PM has given them the clarity required to stamp their hooves nervously and shuffle about as the hay in the corner starts to burn.”

When to time the dash for independence, or unification, is an overwhelming concern being discussed at length behind closed doors.

“All you need to do is get a tiny percentage advantage in a non-binding referendum by hammering relentlessly a series of lies that no one will hold you to account over, regardless of the severity of the potential consequences, and whacko, you have a mandate to turn the world on its head and see what falls off,” the prime minister reminded the house.

David Davis MP is rumoured to already be sending his CV to the SNP, Plaid, Sinn Fein and the Cornish Independence Party to ensure he has work going on from 2019.

“It’s very clever of Mr Davis,” Mr Hill observed, “I think he’s taking the classic builder’s path. Get the job 80% done and bugger off to the next one saying you’ll be back next week to finish up.”

For editorial balance in this article we asked Brexit Dad to comment,

“The mighty lion of the United Kingdom has never been more united behind the Saint George flag. Not on my watch you traitorous remoaner.”

That’ll bring everyone together.

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