May to visit foodbank for Halloween and carve “pumpkin means pumpkin” into pumpkin

The office of the prime minister let rip this morning with the exciting news that Theresa May is to visit a foodbank today and carve “pumpkin means pumpkin” into a pumpkin.

LCD Views spoke to an aide to the PM to find out more about this genius idea.

“It was the result of intense focus group work over the last twenty four hours,” Mr Rope Babylon illuminated, “we asked nine hungry people what would be the best way for their prime minister to show she scares this Halloween?”

The most popular answer was for the prime minister to go trick or treating with Michael Gove and Jeremy Hunt, but given the last minute nature of the initiative it was believed it would not be possible to get the costumes ready in time.

“The focus group said they didn’t need costumes, but clearly they missed the point of Halloween.”

The second most popular idea put forward by the group was for Ms May to personally visit a foodbank and feed the people.

“We liked that. Straight to the top of the list. We spoke to a few advisors and decided it would be best if she did something traditional while at the chosen foodbank. Perhaps fly on a broom or coat brussel sprouts in chocolate for the children. There were many great ideas.”

LCD Views is aware of which foodbank has been selected, although we are sworn to secrecy. We have however secured a phone interview with one of the managers of the community based enterprise to get their reaction.

“She is going to stand there amongst dozens of humiliated voters and lead them in carving edible pumpkins into the faces of hallowed Conservative Party leaders of the past such as Maggie and IDS. She’s insane. Food hygiene rules mean no one will be able to even use the discarded pumpkin innards to cook with afterwards. I don’t know what she hopes to achieve with this stunt?”

We took that criticism back to Mr Babylon.

“They really can’t see beyond the end of their noses, these bleeding hearts,” Rope retorted, “Now, which do you think is catchier? Pumpkin means pumpkin or red, white and blue pumpkins?”

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