Michael Gove to accuse British exporters of not believing in Brexit hard enough

GOING DOWN DOWN DOWN : MICHAEL GOVE was responsible for preparing British business for Brexit, and it’s fair to say Michael Gove gave himself to the preparations as much as anyone could have, who was in a rush to get Brexit.

But in spite of the titanic efforts of Gove, and the rest of the leading lights in government, it appears that many British businesses didn’t properly prepare for Brexit.

“Beats me,” an aide to Rupert Murdoch’s preferred prime minister told LCD Views. “For five years people were warning British businesses that Brexit would bankrupt them. It’s not Michael’s fault that many failed to appoint administrators.”

And it’s not just preparing to go out of business that many British businesses failed to do. Many also it seems believed the things told to them by Michael Gove.

“I mean, these people must be insane! It’s no wonder they’re not ready for bankruptcy. Who on Earth would believe a bloody thing Gove says? Have they not been paying attention? What complete and utter idiocy. You’d have to have stuffed your ears with daydreams not to realise he just does not care and you can not believe him. It would be a mass display of charming naivety if it wasn’t so serious.”

But what now for all those export and import businesses who find themselves drowning in the red tape that everyone knew would apply to a third country? Which is what the UK demanded it became.

“They have to believe harder in Brexit,” the source shrugs. “If they don’t Gove will berate them for not doing it. Just believe in Brexit. Really, really hard. So hard your teeth catch fire under the pressure, carbonise and then turn into diamonds.”

That ought to do it.

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