CREEPY CRAWLIES : Questions are beginning to be asked after one of Brexit Britain’s leading lights has failed to illuminate for weeks now.
While alien life form Michael Gove does drop from public view now and then while shedding, the current absence is longer than usual. Why?
We spoke to an esteemed galactic-biologist, Professor Bettle Geese to try and shine a light into the fathomless darkness.
”It’s perfectly normal for visiting extraterrestrials to take some time for R&R during their extended missions to study life on Planet Earth,” the professor informs. “Michael Gove is no different. The harsh radiation of our Sun damages his cells at a molecular level and now and then he retreats into the hidden underground tunnel network that is his lair. Here he will repair himself by consuming clarity, honesty, good intentions and other positive traits of humanity. He will reappear shortly. Refreshed and ready to cause further suffering.”
While the professor is clearly an expert, so presumably can be ignored, he does have some more mundane suggestions.
“Of course the massive media splash over petty human Johnson’s affairs, and questions regarding potential financial wrongdoings are coinciding with the absence of the Gove life form. So perhaps a palace coup is in the works? That is part of Gove’s life cycle. Now and then he attempts to end the career of Boris Johnson. It has always failed so far, but if at first you don’t succeed, try and try again, as they say. Maybe though, he’s just hiding from all the damage he’s caused with Operation Brexit?”
And the learned boffin has one more suggestion. Potentially the most worrying of all.
“The real danger is that Gove is at the egg laying stage of his life cycle. This only happens once a decade. If so it should worry everyone. If he lays eggs then thousands of larval Goves will soon emerge to infect the population. It’s pretty certain life as we know it is over then. Last time he laid 52% of the population became infected. And we all know what happened then. We’re living in it.”