Ministry of Defence FOI request reveals most new defence spending earmarked for “Spitfire fly-pasts”

MAKE WW2 AIRPLANE SOUNDS NOW : BORIS JOHNSON IS A FREESPENDING PM, which is a great relief after the austere years of Dave “Wunderkind” Cameron and Theresa “fatal error in file” May.

“He knows he doesn’t have that long in the top job, before he gets bored and quits,” a new 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views, “so he’s going to have his fun with the public purse while he’s got it.”

The fun appears to have mostly focused on awarding PPE contracts to chums during 2020, but that is set to change as Mr Johnson looks to secure the defence of the realm into the future.

“Clearly the backbone of the modern defence of the UK is an obsessive focus on WW2,” the source continues, “just without all the distracting parts that foreigners played in the victory over the fascists.”

To this end the new multi-billion pound defence spending, announced today, will build on an already well established method for reminding the world that the UK is a lion that can still roar.

“Spitfire fly-pasts,” the source nods along, “that’s where most of the new money is going. One of Johnson’s old drinking mates from Eton days has a Spitfire re-enactment VR facility, allegedly, and they’ll (rumour says, not confirmed) be receiving a few billion to ramp that up so that tomorrow’s Spitfire fly-past pilots receive the most modern training possible for acting out the UK’s yesterday.”

Schools will also feature heavily with WW2 history days each and every day forever and never once will the children ever hear about Suez.

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