NASA has revealed that the repeated signals from deep space are actually an advertising slogan being broadcast continually. It appears that a galaxy 1.5 billion light years away is also concerned about mis-sold PPI.
This is in contrast to the theory put forward by SETI, that the message is an instruction to pay for the wall currently being constructed around the Earth.
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NASA employed an expert to advise on their work. Prof Polly Glott, Professor of Interstellar Linguistic Theory at the University of Great Wittering, was able to crack the meaning behind the signal.
LCD Views’ Out Of This World correspondent managed to speak to Prof Glott over a snack consisting mainly of Mars Bars.
“The signal comes from a galaxy far, far away,” she remarked. “I was intrigued because there was a definite pattern to the signals. The same signal was received over and over again. It’s not the sort of thing that occurs by chance, so I deduced that it was either God, or intelligent lifeforms trying to get in touch.”
Glott discounted the former possibility, since historically God tends to communicate via burning bushes or impregnating virgins rather than sending communications from deep space. Therefore assuming alien intelligence, Prof Glott and her team set about translating the message.
Several theories were assessed. “We considered several likely messages,” continued Glott. “They included ‘Chat shit get banged’, ‘Live long and prosper’ and ‘So long, and thanks for all the fish’. Another was ‘Bollocks, this black hole is totally out of control!’.”
Glott disclosed that there were also suggestions that we were merely picking up the wrath of disappointed Brexiters reverberating throughout the universe.
“Finally we detected the overly jaunty intonation associated with advertising, and it all fell into place,” Glott concluded. “The message was, ‘Call if you have ever had PPI’. We are being spammed from space!”
NASA is intending to reply immediately. However, they do not expect to receive their refund for another 1.5 billion years.