LCD Views can announce this morning on behalf of the new Ministry of Bollocks that the government has created a new Ministry of Bollocks.
The primary function of the new ministry will be to produce all bollocks for all ministries of government.
“This will avoid any accusations of dodgy dealings with dubious external think tanks operating as fronts for people who really only have the United Kingdom’s best interests at heart,” K. Hoey MP, Secretary of State for Bollocks advised LCD.
It’s believed the industrial strategy outlined today is the first major work of Hoey’s department, although she is generously allowing others to take the credit.
“Of course our primary function will be Brexit and producing catch phrases to convince the voters that they all support it. But, we will be lending a hand in all areas of government.”
But critics have attacked the government for waste of valuable resources at a time of strain for the public purse.
“It’s a fair criticism to level,” LCD’s own Bollocks correspondent said, “Try and think of one area of public life in which the government is involved directly in that isn’t currently described as being in a crisis? Everything is in a crisis. From defence to forensics to apprenticeships to the NHS and on.”
It’s a fair critique of the current crop deciding the fate of the country.
“They would do better to rationalise resources and merge all ministries into one gigantic Ministry of Bollocks.”
It’s thought Hoey is sympathetic to that, but would resist any move due to the fierce competition that would occur as senior government figures engaged in a struggle to displace her.
“It’s nice that they’ve gifted the job to UKIP’s only Westminster MP though. Kate must be feeling very proud. A new industrial strategy that pretends nothing negative will come from Brexit is a really exceptional work of bollocks.”