Julian Assange has spoken exclusively to LCD Views today, by way of standing on a balcony and shouting over the street noise outside the Ecuadorian Embassy.
“I’m not having it,” Mr Assange revealed,
“I’m not having a bunk bed installed in the broom cupboard. If Donald Trump wishes to claim asylum in London and bunk in with me, he’ll have to sleep in the hallway, behind the utility room door.”
And Julian isn’t the only one with his feathers ruffled at news of Mr Trump choosing London as the place he will claim political asylum.
“I won’t be flying to London to interview him all the time,” special prosecutor Mueller responded,
“He can claim asylum in Mar-a lago, if my wiretaps are right, that’s the golf course he’s picked for secession anyway, so why not claim asylum in the only geographical area he bothers to actually turn up to frequently. This gets more confusing by the day.”
Others were ready with an opinion too.
“What’s wrong with the Russian embassy?” Nigel Farage chimed in, as he does on everything, to be reported by all media outlets, regardless of relevance.
“It will be perfectly possible for the Ecuadorian embassy to provide a double bed big enough for them to sleep head to toe in, snug as bugs, like soldiers about to dipped in a soft boiled egg.”
We did contact the embassy concerned for comment, but their phone lines have been cut off for non-payment, apparently it’s part of a desperate attempt to be taken to court and evicted.
Julian had some final encouraging comments though.
“To be honest I could do with the company in the nights.
And I’d really enjoying showing Donald around my home. The dust balls in the corners are quite something. I think they’re alive.
And then there’s the hinge with the missing screw on the door, from that time when I demanded the Ecuadorians try and break the door in, to prove I could hold it closed with only my mind.
But he’s not coming out on the balcony. That’s my man cave.”