IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSEPITAL : HEALTH WHIZ KID AND ALL ROUND APP PROMOTER, MATT HANCOCK, is not slouching at the blue sky wheel thinking as Coronavirus threatens.
“He’s drafting a plan to forcibly recruit retired doctors and nurses and put them on the front line,” an insider at the Department of Health told LCD Views, “initially the plan was to train them as customs officers, but now it’s to put them on the front line in the fight against Coronavirus.”
And it’s not just Matt who is thinking he’s a genius, a random, doe eyed girl, put up as a front for dark money, is ready to appear on any BBC panel show to proclaim the wisdom.
“Not much is known about Coronavirus yet, except that you can catch it from drinking a popular brand of beer,” Matt’s aide continued, “is it a Chinese bioweapon that escaped the lab? Is it a result of Mother Earth going F U humans and taking a swing – disproportionately at the demographic most likely to oppose efforts to limit climate change? Who knows. But what we do know is that it is way more lethal the older you are.”
This new idea, part stop gap to deal with the intentional deterioration of the National Health Service (in readiness for privatisation), part just standard Hancock thinking, stands to save the NHS billions in NHS pension payments.
“Just imagine it, elderly nurses and doctors, rapidly retrained (or not) to contemporary standards and methods, flung over the trenches into no man’s land. Mostly they’ll be treating one another as they catch Coronavirus, one after the other. But before they drop government friendly newspapers will be able to proclaim the outstanding boost in NHS staff numbers. And then the next day accuse the same doctors and nurses of bed blocking. It’s genius!”