KEEP YOUR ENEMIES CLOSE : FIRST MINISTER OF SCOTLAND, NICOLA STURGEON, HAS PULLED A BLINDER TODAY and invited outgoing Prime Minister of England Boris Johnson to Scotland.
The surprising move is said to be part of an overall strategy ahead of next year’s elections for the Scottish Parliament.
“You should never look a gift horse in the mouth,” a spokesman for the First Minister told LCD Views, “and there’s no greater gift horse to the cause of Scottish Independence than Boris Johnson.”
The tour will take in the length and breadth of Scotland, with Mr Johnson booked to talk in cities, towns, villages and even isolated crofts.
“We want Mr Johnson’s message to be heard loud and clear before next year’s election. Given the pivotal nature of the election, coming just months after the tangible benefits of Brexit are really felt in Scotland, we think it only fair to give Mr Johnson a chance to capitalise on his achievements at the ballot box.”
Whether or not Mr Johnson will accept the offer isn’t clear.
“We are having a special train built for him,” the spokesman continued, “with an airtight, but well ventilated fridge compartment. And inside the compartment is a sensory deprivation tank. Mr Johnson will feel like he’s at home for the entire time.”
But some are suggesting the invitation is actually a cunning trick to lure Mr Johnson into talking, and drive the cause of Scottish independence to fulfilment.
“Now that’s just crazy,” the spokesman replied, “a great orator like Mr Johnson will have no trouble swaying any Scottish voter on the fence over independence into making an immediate decision.”