GIVE A MAN A FISH and he will throw it back into the river. Teach a man to fish for publicity, and he will repeat the same stunt, over and over again.
Fisherman Farage famously flung fish into the Thames to make a point. Infamously, Farage cares so much about fish and fisheries that he actually attended one out of hundreds of Fisheries Committee meetings held during his tenure as an MEP.
Now the global rentagobshite has nailed his colours to Donald Trump’s fake-tanned mast. So he has recruited his former fishy friend Kate Hoey to throw American fish into the Potomac River to boost Trump’s re-election bid.
The trumping twosome commandeered a river boat and set off to make their lone protest, with only a hundred news teams in attendance. Hoey was resplendent in fishnet stockings and sou’wester, while Farage rolled up his trouser leg to reveal that he, too, was wearing fishnets.
As Hoey’s ermine joined Farage’s old man tie in fluttering on the breeze, the piscatorial potatriots searched for the bucket of fish. They eventually found it, buried under a mound of discarded fag ends.
“Right, chaps, have you got this?” foghorned the frog-faced fish fancier. The American news men, amused by the English idiom (idiot?), focussed their cameras.
“I say! On a count of three, I’ll give it the old heave-ho,” Farage continued, to muffled sniggers. “One, two, three, and away!”
A hundred shutters clicked, and plenty of phones captured the act for that low-fi street recording vibe.
A sad cascade of unwanted fish hit the water, as the not very merry crew wondered how the hell to get off the Codforsaken boat and into the nearest bar.
Classic Dom may throw dead cats on to the table. Fishy Farage throws dead fish on to the water, then drifts aimlessly, the media men having long departed, in an apt metaphor for his entire career.
Farage is, of course, just a prawn in a much bigger game.