The newly created Office for Students is off to a flier today with an order that all universities now have to teach students a unit on ‘Brexit Eugenics’.
“It’s a wonderful opportunity to defend the current generation from the dangers of socialism,” Professor Youngster commented,
“the moment my dad made them offer me the job of this red tape growing, mind altering position, I knew I was going to make a difference.”
The unit will be taught immediately, to ensure students really get value for money.
“It’s an exciting class. You’ll learn about silver spoons and where to place them before you’re born. Also, how to burn twenties in front of people that are too lazy to have a home.”
Correct use of Twitter will also be taught.
“You know, making sure you comment on anyone’s breasts whenever you see them. The knack of spotting a good, ripe pair of norks and objectifying, judging a woman on them, is the only way to push back the rotten tide of political correctness they endangers Brexit.”
Further lessons will be given on how to blow up wheelchair access.
“Exactly how much Semtex does it take to destroy an access ramp at a university? It’s very important to know this. Stephen Hawking is a fluke. We can only prevent a repetition if we stop these troglodytes getting further education.”
Professor Youngster is expected to launch the first tutorial on Brexit Eugenics later this week by taking a pick axe to a disabled parking sign.
“The key lesson of Brexit Eugenics is about encouraging survival of the richest.
Once everyone accepts that they are inferior if they weren’t born into an inherited title and wealth, we’ll be prepared properly for a future in which the country votes yes in the death penalty referendum we will hold after March 2019.