Ostriches stage protest outside parliament over chronic sand shortages

News is breaking today, first on LCD Views’ and later the BBC, of the incredible gathering of birds outside parliament, as over five hundred ostriches stage a protest over chronic sand shortages.

”In all my years of broadcasting I have never witnessed a flock of birds this mad,” begins Kay Burley, with the Sky News report,

“Reports started to hit the news wires at dawn this morning of a squadron of black, white and grey birds flying low over the capital and headed for Westminster Green.”

The RAF did dispatch Tiger Moths to intercept the UFO’s, not suspecting ostriches as they have to be furious to fly, but the bi-planes we’re eaten when they made first contact. Bye planes.

”AIr raid sirens sounded across London as people stared blearily into their coffees and didn’t bother to look outside because what could possibly be worse than this current farce of a parliament?”

The next one?

The Met ordered marksmen to rush to Westminster Green, but that didn’t happen because Mark said no.

”I was one of the first on the scene, arriving just after Auntie, with a camera man and a man who wasn’t a camera, to capture the unfolding drama.”

Uncle arrived late.

”But what at first seemed like an airborne attack by a hostile force was quickly discovered to be a flock of ostriches, who had decided to bring their rage and despair at perceived injustice straight to the doors of the counrry’s law makers and oath breakers.”

They weren’t allowed inside. Health and safety PC gone mad over fears of hygiene risk.

The PC was later calmed down.

”I identified an individual who appeared to be the group’s spokesbird and asked why they were here?”

Because we’re not there, he replied.

”He told me they were flocking mad. He brandished an empty plastic bucket, such as a child would use on a beach.

It appears the birds have flocked to parliament to protest the chronic sand shortages faced by ostriches now, that on balance the country’s parliamentarians have buried their heads as a group in the sand over their harm they’re doing collectively to the UK’s interests.”

What do we want? The birds are now shouting in chorus.

We want our sand.

When do we want it?

We want it now.

”We’re not going to stand for this injustice any longer,” the spokesbird proclaimed, “at least, until we can bury our heads in the sand again.”

More on this evolving story as it unfolds.

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