DOUBLING DOWN, AND UP: Let us be entirely clear. Matt Hancock claims that the messages from the government have been consistent, despite being changed on a daily basis.
Little Matt Hancock, who has had to learn the art of being completely two faced while the public watched his transformation, was keen to defend official guidance.
“Hands, Face, Space has always been the message,” said an exhausted Hancock. “It has never changed and never will. It means the same as Check, Change, Go, and if you think about it, it’s the same as Brexit Means Brexit.”
Hang on. The only consistent thing there is that each slogan has three words.
“Stay Alert was only two words,” replied Hancock pompously. “Stay Home, Stay Safe, Get Brexit Done, Eat More Chips. The underlying message is the same!”
In that case, could you explain the underlying message, because quite frankly the public are confused.
“There is no confusion!” exclaimed Hancock, now desperately looking for a way out. “Protect The NHS. Track And Trace. Stand And Deliver. We are all in this together, and the same rules apply to everyone!”
Which is fine, until you recall that “Classic” Dom Cummings broke lockdown and was defended to the hilt. The government sacrificed its authority to save Cummings’ skin.
“That was a special case!” stammered Little Matt. “Control The Virus. We Don’t Know. Give Us Your Fokkin Money!”
Nature abhors a vacuum. So into the confusion and ambiguity created by meaningless empty slogans designed to conceal a complete lack of policy, rushes the Great British Public. A public that has no faith in the government and uses its British Common Sense to justify not being sensible.
“If the public wish to get infected with covid-19, then I won’t interfere with the Will Of The People,” concluded Hancock, finally finding the loophole he was looking for. “Herd Immunity, We Don’t Care, It’s YOUR Fault!”
Blame The Public. Collect The Money. Wash Your Hands.