ET TU PORT-A-LOO : BRITAIN’S MOST FAMOUS PATRIOT, NIGEL FARAGE, HAS BEEN GIFTED A REWARD FOR HIS TIRELESS SERVICE TO IRISH RE-UNIFICATION AND SCOTTISH, WELSH AND CORNISH INDEPENDENCE.
“It’s only fitting that a man who sung famous, patriotic songs in his youth should now see himself in his middle years standing next to a portable toilet,” a spokesman for the committee responsible told LCD Views.
And while some long faces have begun asking who has the contract for the miles of port-a-loos to be installed in Kent, Cummings or a former aide to Liz Truss, or even Robert Jenrick? Any right thinking person has their mind focused on Nigel and the opening ceremony.
“There ceremony will showcase modern Britain to the world,” the spokesman continued, “a giant toilet rapidly filling up with all variety of crap. And we did it all ourselves. This is total national sovereignty in action.”
And it’s not just the cutting of the ribbon that is rousing enthusiasm, other prominent promoters of Brexit will be honoured too.
“The toilets will be named after those who have done the most to bring about Brexit,” the spokesman enthused, “you may choose to lose a stool in David Davis, Jacob Rees-mogg or wave your Johnson low in the Johnson. The options are endless.”
Corporate sponsorship will also be sought for what will be eye-catching installations.
“Imagine crapping in a Dyson? It’s not just Brexiters that will come running. That opportunity will see remainers happy to use the port-a-loos too. A unifying experience.”
We wish Nigel well for the ceremony, planned for January 1st 2021. We only ask that the first toilet to be opened be called the Jacob Rees-bogg.