Leave means Leave. Brexit means Brexit. All ties to the wicked continent will be cut off. This is what we, The People, voted for. The channel tunnel will become redundant. Secret plans released this week suggest that it will be used as a mushroom farm instead.
Government mouthpiece Poppy Cock spoke to LCD’s Dig For Britain correspondent to explain. “After Brexit, which is well on course to be an outstanding success, nobody will want to leave these shores, ever again,” she said. “Naturally, nobody will be allowed in either. The channel tunnel will cease to have any raison d’etre. This means that there will be over 20 miles of cold, dark, damp tunnels lying empty. It’s an outstanding business opportunity.”
“There are two tunnels, over 20 miles long each,” Ms Cock continued. “But they will be bricked up half way along to prevent Frenchness from infiltrating our nice English champignons.”
Plans are already in place to recruit Kentish volunteers to work in the tunnels. “Since Kent is to be concreted over to provide work and an American airbase, there will be displaced serfs aplenty,” claimed Ms Cock. “Their waste will provide the perfect matrix for fungus production. We have already renamed it Morel Fibre.”
Michael Gove will be heading up this important new enterprise. As Secretary of State for Agriculture, Food and Rural Affairs, it falls nicely into his remit. He is said to be designing a new device to harvest the mushrooms. Treacherous wags have already dubbed it a “toad’s tool”.
Treasonous lefty traitors have drawn parallels between the new mushroom industry and Brexit. “We British citizens have been treated like mushrooms,” said subversive Sissy Snowflake. “We have been kept in the dark and fed large amounts of shit.”
John Bull is teaming up with Poppy Cock. So, is this a Cock and Bull story, or are they just full of shiitake?