LCD Views has received a sketched drawing this evening that appears to show Theresa May hiding from her drinks cabinet and possibly even a Georgian wardrobe.
The furnishings are said to be causing an irrational anxiety in the woman who wonders how long she’ll be British prime minister (every minute) due to the trouble she’s currently having with her cabinet in government.
An aide to the handler of Larry the cat phoned in what he’s been observing while charging the kitty litter in the basement laundry room of what he believes to be 10 Downing Street.
“It’s actually getting worse. Initially it was just that Edwardian trunk chest type thing she made foreign secretary that made her twitch.
Now it’s also the piano chair covered in green fabric, the rocking chair which tried to divert foreign aid money to foreign militaries and worse of all is the built in wardrobe with all the calculators.”
Exacerbating her anxieties is the thought that at any moment her shoerack, her coat hangers and maybe even her bidet may suddenly turn out to be shoddy, unscrupulous and off meeting foreign heads of state when she presumed them where she placed them when she moved in and began airing out all the musty smells her predecessor imbued the atmosphere of the famous home with.
“I expect she will make a move against IKEA shortly. That’s where she seems to believe the greatest looming risk waits now.”
She is rumoured to sneak to her laptop in the evenings, open it and navigate to the famous flat pack furniture retailer’s website and stare at the cabinets for sale and tremble.
“Out, out spot. Go away. Shoo. That’s what we hear being muttered in the dark of night. I did suggest she just sack the people causing her so much pain and confusion, but I did it while standing in front of an ironing board and she fled in terror to the toilet.”