A man is celebrating after successfully zipping up his trousers for the second day running.
“It’s magnificent. Almost as good as seeing that pod of dolphins playing with the pack of killer whales off the island of Skye on our honeymoon,” enthused Rooster Cogburn, 38, Southampton.
The interview was conducted in the living room of the Cogburn’s tastefully decorated four bedroom house.
“It’s an incredibly stressful part of my daily routine. I never know how things will end.”
Although allowed to dress himself for over thirty years now, Mr Cogburn has suffered more than the occasional setback when pulling on his trousers. A situation that has worsened, not improved, with the passing of years.
“It first became a problem when I started going out on the lash with my mates in my late teens. You know, you’ve had seven pints, you’ve gone to the use the bathroom in the pub and you have to try really hard to remember to zip up. But remembering is only half the challenge.”
It seems the challenge of achieving that feat without injury is what alerted Cogburn to how potentially dangerous just getting dressed properly as an adult can be.
“It’s ended in blood, just a bit, once or twice.”
LCD Views noticed Rooster’s wife sitting on a chair on the other side of their living room, looking at him like he was a complete and utter tool. We decided to talk to her.
“He’s asks me to help him with his fly most mornings. When I’m rushing to get ready for work myself.”
Jasmine Cogburn shakes her head.
“Come on now,” Rooster interjects. “If I get, you know, caught, it can take ages to get up the courage to rip the zipper back down again. And you have to go fast, there’s no pussyfooting about. It’s like ripping off a plaster.”
“You think I’m so gullible.”
We enquired next what Rooster hoped to achieve tomorrow when getting dressed.
“I’ve a work do first thing. If I sleep in and I’m running late…It’s going to be really fraught. I’m for a hat trick of not getting my knob caught in my zipper. But I’m feeling 50/50 on my chances.”
You can do it Rooster. LCD Views believe in you. You can get the hat trick.
“I married him for his ambition and sense of independence,” Jasmine comments, but we don’t believe her.