The once and future king of UKIP, Nigel Farage, has been rushed to hospital with a mystery complaint. This follows an incident where he ingested non-British beer by mistake.
The story begins with Farage and a few UKIP mates travelling to Cornwall to sample the local ales. Their destination was Blunt’s Brewery. This once small concern, following the massive commercial success of its flagship brew, has grown to an enormous size. Locals now refer to the company as Truro Euro Brew.
The party arrived expecting, well, a party, but instead chairman Dragona Blunt thought they wanted the brewery tour. After some confusion, Nigel managed to convince her that they had actually come to get sozzled. “I have an idea, we can sort this out,” she told them.
In the Sampling Room, head brewer Benny Fitt Kutz and his team were taste testing a new beer designed for the German market. There was a knock on the door, and Dragona put her head around it. “Excuse me Benny, may these gentlemen join you?” she asked.
“Off course, off course, come in!” said Herr Kutz. He indicated the bottles of beer with an expansive gesture. “Tsis is my latest bier, it Schadenfreude called iss. Bitte!”
“Danke Schön, but I think it’s actually lager!” quipped Nigel.
He took a deep drink of beer, and another, but then suddenly collapsed, frothing at the mouth, his limbs jerking convulsively. An ambulance was called to rush Nigel to Truro PFI Hospital. The remainder of his disappointed party made their way sadly back to the minibus.
The latest news is that Farage has had his stomach pumped, and has also had a beer transfusion. He is expected to make a full recovery.
Your correspondent undertook a rigorous testing of the offending beer. It was delicious and caused no ill effects other than mild intoxication.
The moral of the story is that Nigel Farage is incapable of organising…