Patel bids to deport “foreign born” criminal in power play to become PM

BOOM TIME FOR EXPORTERS : Rumours today that Home Secretary Priti Patel is among the number of senior Tory cabinet members who have gotten their hopes up about becoming Prime Minister.

“It’s Gove and Dom’s fault,” a fabricated 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views, in an article of total fabrication. “They’ve gotten everyone worked up by publicly taking chunks out of Johnson recently. Raab spends several hours a day now just staring into a mirror watching his pulsating right temple vein. He believes it pulses with an ancient and dark power. Hancock is WhatsApping his friends, even people who didn’t know they were friends but accidentally became pals on MySpace. Gove is doing something grim with an altar and a bag of puppies to seek favour from some Babylonian underworld figure. As for Patel….”

The Home Secretary is said to have thinly veiled her power play in a speech on law and order. She is now famous for this, unless the alleged criminals involved are in elected office, some say.

“The focus on foreign born criminals? Why are they more dangerous or worthy of focus than native ones? Do you care about the accent of someone mugging you? Is it better if the violence is delivered with RP or rhyming slang? Are the crimes of British born criminals less serious? Do they come with flags? Draw your own conclusions.”

And people are drawing their own conclusions.

“Foreign born? Deluged by accusations of rule and lawbreaking? With a catalogue of such stretching back over decades? Whoever could that be? Whoever could she be targeting?”

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