WHAT’S FLYING ON YOUR POLE : THE BLUE PLAQUE industry is said to be so mad they’re considering legal action today after the Ministry of Infidelity chose the Union Flag as the monument to mark locations of Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s affairs.
“We already had compositions in the drafting stage,” Non-existent industry representative Bloo Plack told LCD Views. “The PM bonked here. It’s direct and to the point and who wouldn’t be proud to have one of those plaques over their door?”
But it seems whoever has the contract for Union Flags has muscled in on the plaque people’s business.
“That’s hundreds of plaques that now won’t be glued to exterior walls. You don’t need wind for a plaque. We also attract people’s interest. They come over and squint up wondering if they’ll recognise the personality remembered. The flag? It’s everywhere. Who is going to care if Boris Johnson shagged in the property or not? Unless they put a picture of the conquest in question on the flags? Are they doing that?”
The good news for the prime minister though is that most of the media focus and social media comment today does appear to be directly on the infidelity itself, and not the masses of public money that may, or may not, have been incorrectly paid to the conquest in question.
“Boris Johnson shagged here. It could have seen a boom for our industry. But instead it’s to be the Union Flag again. About the only positive I can see is that once it gets associated with Johnson and the moral sewer the man is, maybe, just maybe Tory MPs will be less keen to have them in their living rooms.”