Planned UK passport update sparks anger with potato growers

BUT WHAT DOES IT DO : THE GOVERNMENT IS UNDER SEIGE TODAY after pushback from the Fritling-on-Lost-Rites Potato Growers Association.

The reason for the push and the back is the expected requisitioning of potatoes once Brexit occurs.

“They want to replace the burgundy British passports, which give you consular protection anywhere in the world with every EU state mission, with potatoes,” Mr Chippy, head of media for FLRPG, told LCD Views, “it’s not on. What will we say to our traditional customers? Sorry, you can’t have any crisps because the Home Office took all our spuds to use as passports?”

But supporters of the decision to replace the current passports, which come with Freedom of Movement contingent on EU membership, and thus allow you medical care (no need for travel insurance or big bills) anywhere in dozens of countries on our doorstep have dismissed Mr Chippy.

“It’s hardly a pan fire,” a Downing Street source said, “millionaires will still have EU27 passports thanks to the money they inherited at birth. The plebs will have potatoes and be back in their rightful place in the pecking order. The government should be applauded.”

Mr Chippy was not convinced.

“We’re supposed to genetically modify our spuds to be red, white and blue in colour? Buggered if I know if that’s supposed to be the colours of the Russian flag or the French? Or the US? Baffling. We don’t have the time to do that, this year’s crop is ready to go in the ground.”

Downing Street wasn’t having it though.

“The FLRPG has had nearly four years to prepare for the opportunities created by Brexit. If they haven’t genetically modified their potatoes for use as passports by now it’s their fault. And think of the win for the exchequer? Each potato passport will cost £350 to renew. How long does a potato last for? It’s genius.”

The opportunities and benefits of Brexit appear endless, at least if you were born with an inheritance.

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