PM announces national holiday to celebrate fact Brexit is done and no one talks about it anymore

RELAX AND PUT YOUR FEET UP : The Union Flag, made in China bunting market is set for its biggest boom period since last year’s VE Day parties with the announcement of a new national holiday.

Later today no less an important figure than the Prime Minister himself will take time out of his endless, grinding schedule of displacement activities to announce the additional bank holiday.

“It’s wonderful, isn’t it? A day of rest. You can spend some time at home with your family. Quality time. Although I’m not sure where Johnson will spend the day,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views.

In particular the day is planned to celebrate the fact that “Brexit is done and no one ever talks about it anymore.”

There is a certain understated irony in holding a national holiday to celebrate not talking about something by talking about not talking about it, and thus talking about it, but that has been described as “classic British eccentricity” and “all part of the fun.”

But there will be a serious note to the day as it is planned for a prominent Brexiter (or whatever they’re called now) to address the nation at midday.

“There will essentially be a sermon on the day to make sure everyone knows that any of the teething problems associated with Brexit, such as collapse in trade and violence in NI, those things are the fault of Remainers. Clearly the people who drove the project through to its final form with an 80 seat parliamentary majority and an official opposition endorsing Brexit as a concept, it can’t be their fault.”

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