PM says time to stop ‘cringing embarrassment’ about UK history and cringe at the present

NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT : THE PRIME MINISTER Boris Johnson has been forced to intervene today in the latest confected culture war, designed to distract from his government’s shambles in everything, and intervene he did.

“He took five minutes out from looking at Expedia,” a Downing Street source told LCD Views, “which for him is the ultimate sacrifice. Clearly, once he had solved the issue of national pride he went back to planning his paltry 52 weeks holiday allowance for 2021. But he’d earned it.”

But it seems the prime minister’s plea for people to stop examining anything inconvenient in the UK’s past, and focus solely on the present hasn’t achieved all he hoped. Because of the giant clustershambles he is making of the present.

“We didn’t even bother addressing his personal record of wasting billions of taxpayers money with no recourse and toxic personal life,” one introspective commentator commented.

“We just looked at Brexit. His baby. The issue that he was able to use racism and lies with to gain the premiership. A single political issue that has made the UK an international laughing stock. We’re now the only country in the history of the world to impose trade sanctions in itself. To burn en masse historical firsts like freedom of movement and continent wide reciprocal health care? To vote for the cliff jump on a pack of lies that have been exposed time and time again? To stamp its feet and shout at 27 other countries that it’s to be respected, while displaying zero knowledge of the areas it demands respect in? It’s pretty bloody humbling. Dominic Raab only just discovered Dover for crying out loud. And David Davis still thinks he’s a trade expert!”

And the commentator didn’t even mention aligning the country with 1930’s tribute act Donald Trump, the world beating mortality rates of Covid, the A levels shambles, the fact that foreign interference in UK democracy is so entrenched our elected representatives don’t want to talk about it, our actual prime minister leaving his wife during cancer treatment to move his then mistress into Downing Street and well, all the rest of it.

World beating.

Luckily for the prime minister though Brexit has long evolved into a state religion and something its supporters don’t cringe over, but are proud of.

“That’s because it hasn’t happened yet, in any meaningful sense. Just wait for the food rationing and water shortages,” the critic suggested, “then it will be time to stop cringing with embarrassment over our historical record because we’ll be too bloody ashamed of the present.”

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