STAY ALERT : THE METROPOLITAN POLICE HAVE ISSUED A NATIONAL ALERT TODAY AFTER THE FICTIONAL REPRESENTATION OF MARGARET THATHCER escaped from Netflix drama “The Crown.”
It’s believed the “event” occurred as a result of too many people watching the episodes featuring the deceased British prime minister at the same time as “the gatekeeper made contact with the keymaster”.
The production company behind the show denies any accountability and a spokesman said earlier “we followed the rules as laid down by The Vatican regarding representations of SHE WHO WILL NOT BE NAMED to the letter. This is not our fault.”
Whether or not all the stipulations of the Holy Roman Church were followed will have to be determined after the resurrected Mrs Thatcher has been apprehended and returned to the netherworld.
“We would ask the public to be very wary,” a police spokesman told a hastily convened press conference, “any councils that still have a stock of public housing are warned to guard the properties closely, lest they ultimately end up in the property portfolio of a Tory MP, without any replacement in stock. Likewise children drinking milk at schools are to be placed under armed guard until Mrs Thatcher has been safely apprehended.”
But perhaps the individual most at risk is of course Boris Johnson.
“Compared to the shambolic clusterfuck of impulses currently governing the UK with complete disregard for public welfare, principle, accountability, competence, foresight or hair combing, Mrs Thatcher is a paramount of public service. And that’s considering the harm she wrought! We are doubling our guard over Mr Johnson and he will remain in the fridge until it is safe for him to re-emerge.”
The public is also warned that if any family members start randomly saying ghastly early neoliberal bollocks like “there is no such thing as society”, they are to call the emergency services immediately and run screaming for their lives. It must be assumed that the person concerned has been in contact with “she who cannot be named” and is infectious.