PLASTIC PATRIOTS ENRICHED : Downing Street has announced another world beating British first in the fight to prolong Covid-19 today with the decision to hold an award ceremony for the holders of PPE contracts.
“Everyone who believes they’re qualified for the PPE’s needs to Whatsapp Matt Hancock immediately,” a 10 Downing Street aide told LCD Views, “or mention it to Boris Johnson over lunch.”
The PPE’s will celebrate the biggest achievers in the receipt of non-tender process, no penalty clause PPE contracts.
“It will be an aspirational day which will inspire a new generation of British youngsters to become friends with Tory Party ministers. You never know when duty calls? Maybe when you’re running an insolvent paper cup factory? Maybe when you’ve recently stood down as a councillor and you’re at a lose end? There’s no end of opportunity if you have the right phone numbers saved in your smart phone. You just then have to wait for disaster to call.”
The award categories will be Gold, Silver and Bronze and set the standard for recognition of the ability to get rich quick from the public purse.
“There is discussions currently about whether or not to make the actual day of the ceremony a public holiday?” the aide mused, “I’m in favour of it. Like Covid, it will better help disguise the complete economic car crash looming in 2021 with Brexit.”
The hanging of bunting on the day will be encouraged and to be sure it’s patriotic it must be plastic.
“I’ve got a friend who can supply as much plastic bunting as you need? He’s currently staring at the closed shutters of his replica marble factory that’s just gone into administration…”