A PRITI AWFUL DAY : HOME SECRETARY AND FORMER DISGRACED MINISTER FOR INTERNATIONAL DEVELOPMENT, PRITI “IMMIGRUNTS SUK!” PATEL, HAS RETURNED in triumph with her immigration bill.
The bill, which aims to show the dominance of the United Kingdom by stripping its citizens of rights to live, work, love, be educated and settle across an entire continent, passed at the second reading in the House of Commons. Three times will be a charm.
“It was a great day for evil,” a source inside the Ministry of Malignance told LCD Views, “to think, millions of people will suffer. The greatest abolition of rights for Brits in centuries. Decades of progress reversed at a stroke. It really is delicious.”
Exactly when the changes will come into force isn’t entirely clear. It will become clearer when confusion of the extent of the transition period is cleared up.
“Of course the Bank of England is seeing to it that the financial sector doesn’t exit the transition at the end of the year. As for the peasants, well, mwahahahahaha. Get rich quick folks! Ha!”
Of particular joy with the bill is the confirmation that the very same immigrant workers currently dying, treating Brits, will be charged for the privilege of accessing healthcare, while also paying NI.
“We’re particularly pleased with that. The sheer weight of rank hypocrisy is mindboggling. Priti will be out clapping on Thursday night for the NHS, don’t worry about that.”
But how many times will Priti Patel clap?
“Why 300,48,153,67 times of course,” the source beams, while torturing a puppy, “which is exactly the day in February when the changes to the bill will come into affect.”