Professional player reveals he’s already donated his brain to science

Exciting news this afternoon for lovers of medical science with the revelation that a professional player has already donated his brain to science.

“I want to be an example for other people,” Mr David stated, standing before a gathering of startled reporters.

“So many people seem to believe that you need a functioning brain and awareness of longer term consequence to achieve personal success in life. I am here to tell you today that is incorrect.”

It seems Mr David donated his brain to science decades ago.

“I was upset because so many people told me I was brainless,” He explained, “So I thought I’d prove to them that you don’t need a head full of facts and research just to have an impact.”

It seems he is correct.

It also seems the only blowback that has occurred from his open hearted gesture has been a result of the x-ray that was taken on the day he had the lot scooped out and put in a jar for study.

“My brain looks like minced meat,” he sighed, “Well, doesn’t yours? It’s not nice. A clown at the laboratory where my brain went leaked the x-ray image to the press and ever since then people have said ‘he’s as thick as mince’. It hurts my feelings. It wounds me almost as much as what we intend to do to animals after Brexit is going to hurt them.”

It has been suggested that it maybe better if he got a brain, again?

“There you go, thinking you know best just because you read a book once.”

Mr David had to leave shortly after because he needed to prepare for his next big match, which is coming up shortly.

“The preparation is intense,” he added as he made to leave the stage of the press briefing, “you know some public officials can be very picky about you spending other people’s money. Most of my time is actually spent arguing with bean counters. I tell them, they need to get out more and get some fresh air. Fill their head with creative and imaginative thoughts.”

He then fell off the stage, but without a brain, it didn’t hurt anything but his pride, and he’s got enough of that to shield him against even the worst blows.

“You lot should donate your brains too!” he urged, “It would make my job a damn sight easier. It does make it hard to change your mind though, if you haven’t any brains.”

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