DIGGING DEEP FOR WHAT MATTERS : Tory Brexit MP Mark Francois is putting his money where his mouth is in the desperate desire to hear a big bell go bong. This will make him feel giddy and that he is part of an empire.
“That’s novel,” a close aide told LCD Views, “putting his money where his mouth is. He normally puts confectionary where his mouth is and charges the taxpayer for it.”
Upon learning that Drowning Street had no money left, after spaffing it all up the wall for the enrichment of billionaire tax dodgers (i.e. Brexit), and thus there was no money to repair Big Ben in time for the 31st January, little Mark had a big idea.
“He was so enraged when he learned the EU had forced Marathons to become Snickers,” the aide recalled, “it was thirty years ago of course, but Mark never let it go. It would be fair to speculate that the over reach over confectionary on the part of the tyrannical, unelected, EU superstate is what first turned Mark into a Brexiter.”
In preparation for the dark day when Marathons would become Snickers, and thus no longer measured in imperial but metric, Mark decided to eat as many as he could and save the Marathon wrappers in memoriam.
“This is a big sacrifice for Mark,” the aide added, “you won’t find him putting his hand in his pocket to offset any of the obvious and continual economic damage to people from Brexit, but he’ll auction off his Marathon wrappers to hear a big bell go bong. Quite the little potatriot.”