Reports prime minister did a day’s work “vicious rumours designed to undermine his reputation”

THE FUN NEVER STOPS : DOWNING STREET have hit back HARD at vicious rumours circulating within, and even without of the Westminster bubble, that the Prime Minister did a day’s work.

“We did not get to where we are as a country today with a working prime minister,” a 10 Downing Street source scoffed. “Mr Johnson is deeply wounded by this vicious attack clearly designed to undercut his reputation as a fun guy.”

Of course fungi is a key plank of Mr Johnson’s style of governance. Keep them in the dark and feed them on manure. Daily.

“Does it look like he’s working to you when he’s wearing a different costume daily? When he’s spouting off half remembered classical references at the most inappropriate times? When he’s basically making up any old nonsense to evade the fact he has no idea what is going on? No. It doesn’t. Does it. You need to cut out the undermining of his complete lack of effort. Just look at the pandemic. Just look at Brexit. Boris. Does. Not. Work. Period.”

But some critics have levelled their fingers at the prime minister himself over the scurrilous accusations, pointing out he doesn’t play golf.

“So? Trump avoided his responsibilities his own way. Boris has his style. He dresses up as a builder, a scientist, a butcher. Just imagine all the time involved in getting prepped before all this? The security, the vetting, the travelling. Did you give this one minute’s consideration? Hours and hours are wasted. Daily. But let me repeat it one more time for the slow kids at the back. Boris Johnson does not work.”

In more ways than one.

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