SAY IT ISN’T SO : The Government has moved swiftly today to combat an outbreak of historical revision that threatens the entire foundation of mighty Brexitannia.
The threat to the country emerged with the morning edition of the saboteurs’ rag of choice “The Guardian” which carried a story about the ethnic diversity of Henry VIII’s famous warship the “Mary Rose”.
“Our first instinct was to re-sink the Mary Rose,” a Downing Street source told LCD Views. “Just take it back out into the Solent and let it go. It now seems reckless in the extreme to raise it from its watery grave. And under Thatcher’s watch too! It’s a nightmare. Heaven help us too if news gets out that the English have always been ethnically diverse.”
It is further reported that a meeting of COBR was immediately convened to consider the matter, and cooler heads prevailed. Although the Prime Minister wasn’t present, as he was having his standard lie in, he was informed of the decision and is said to have concurred so long as “he gets his Bloody Mary. Never mind the bloody Mary Rose. This hangover is a bastard”.
“The decision was taken to impose a complete reporting ban on the new scientific discoveries and place all relevant facts regarding the famous warship under the Official Secrets Act. That’s for the next one thousand years. As long as the ToryKip government anticipates reigning, once they redraw constituency boundaries.”
Happily it seems as if action was taken in time to repress the story of the Mary Rose’s ethnically diverse crew.
“This is the trouble with experts. They find things out that threaten the very fabric of society. Ignorance is bliss. That’s Brexit. Let’s keep it that way.”